At last, I have completed my tagging in O&G (Obstetrics and Gynaecology). It was a stressful 7 days of tagging. Tagging is a period where one tags along with the other house-officers, medical-officers, and senior staff - to gain the basics of the department which will be essential as the first step. Tagging in O&G is from 7am until 12am - I know, thats a very long time! But you gotta do what you gotta do, right?
Here's a recap:
Day 1 - Excited and full of energy. Couldn't sleep the previous night as I was looking forward to a whole new world of knowledge and experience. Went back home feeling satisfied and also clueless. This department is unlike other departments - the knowledge you gain in others will not help you in this posting, and the knowledge you learn in this posting will not help you in other postings.
Day 2 - Still excited and wanted to perform as many procedures as I can.
Day 3 - Exhausted and still enthusiastic
Day 4-6 - When will this end??
Day 7 - Horrible! Put my dearest sister at harm by making a mistake in documentation. She was feeling very stressed and worried. Tried to calm her down by diverting her mind to other things, it didn't work. I felt totally awful. I was scolded on several occasions.
This was the day, that Dhany had a movie date with another colleague. I felt it was unfair to me. I have been asking her to go out for a movie with me for a very long time. She said she will let me know if she had time - which she didn't do until now. What is she thinking? Why the double standards? Is it okay to hurt me, and reject my invitation time and time again just because I am not her other friend. I know that people only hurt those close to them, but why me?
Whenever I tell her how much she means to me and who she is to me, she just keeps quiet. No reply at all.
Yes, you must be wondering what reply I would be expecting right? Here it is:
1) Thank you. It means a lot to me.
2) Thats very sweet of you.
3) I know how you feel, and it is nice to have someone who cares.
It is as simple as that. Life is really simple, why do we make it more complicated?
Wednesday, July 10
Saturday, June 29
An update...
I can now safely say that I have completed by assessment and have been given a green light to proceed to the next department. I will now have to wait till I end my posting.
My next posting is most probably going to be Obstetrics and Gynaecology. But, I will have to confirm it on Monday.
My next unsolved issue is my relationship with my sister. I have asked to spend the whole day with her tomorrow, which I will spend to make her happy - just the way I want it. I promise. But I have yet to receive a confirmation from her. As they say, it is always a 'yes' unless proven otherwise. I have turned down an invitation from my cousins to spend time with them, and last I've heard, they have already made other plans - to Sentosa Island that is! So, I hope Dhany is able to spend time with me. Otherwise, I would have to look for someone with a plan...
My next posting is most probably going to be Obstetrics and Gynaecology. But, I will have to confirm it on Monday.
My next unsolved issue is my relationship with my sister. I have asked to spend the whole day with her tomorrow, which I will spend to make her happy - just the way I want it. I promise. But I have yet to receive a confirmation from her. As they say, it is always a 'yes' unless proven otherwise. I have turned down an invitation from my cousins to spend time with them, and last I've heard, they have already made other plans - to Sentosa Island that is! So, I hope Dhany is able to spend time with me. Otherwise, I would have to look for someone with a plan...
Tuesday, June 25
An update...
There are currently two active issues currently going on in my life. One, is about my sister, Dhany. The second one is about my surgery end-posting assessment.
About my sister:
She is acting rather weird lately, not answering my calls and my texts. Is she really avoiding me? If so, for what reason? But I will have to get to the bottom of this.
Next issue is my end-posting assessment:
1) A specialist (Ms N) was supposed to assess me. She said she would find time later.
2) Another specialist (Mr M) saw that I was early to work and ask why. I told him that I was supposed to be assessed by Ms N. He proceeded to bring me to a patient and assessed me on the basics. Apparently I did not give him the complete answer he was looking for. So, he told me that since I have a few more days until I finish, he would continue tomorrow.
So, basically now I am being assessed by two specialists. Well, two is better than none right?
A little note:
Thank you all for commenting on my posts and giving suggestions. But, those suggestions are not showing up on my posts and are forwarded straight to my e-mail account. Any idea how to overcome that?
About my sister:
She is acting rather weird lately, not answering my calls and my texts. Is she really avoiding me? If so, for what reason? But I will have to get to the bottom of this.
Next issue is my end-posting assessment:
1) A specialist (Ms N) was supposed to assess me. She said she would find time later.
2) Another specialist (Mr M) saw that I was early to work and ask why. I told him that I was supposed to be assessed by Ms N. He proceeded to bring me to a patient and assessed me on the basics. Apparently I did not give him the complete answer he was looking for. So, he told me that since I have a few more days until I finish, he would continue tomorrow.
So, basically now I am being assessed by two specialists. Well, two is better than none right?
A little note:
Thank you all for commenting on my posts and giving suggestions. But, those suggestions are not showing up on my posts and are forwarded straight to my e-mail account. Any idea how to overcome that?
Monday, June 24
Free-thinkers?
I recently had an encounter from a colleague, in which he asked me my religion. In return, I asked his. The answer that I got was - 'free-thinker'. He went on to explain what a free-thinker was, and in his words "someone who does not believe in God and religion". I was shocked, yet I played it cool.
How can someone not believe in God. Look at the things around us - the trees, the birds, the mountains, ourselves. How can coincidence give birth to all of these? There is definitely a superpower far beyond our understanding. How can one refuse to see this. It is right in front of our eyes all the time.
How can someone not believe in God. Look at the things around us - the trees, the birds, the mountains, ourselves. How can coincidence give birth to all of these? There is definitely a superpower far beyond our understanding. How can one refuse to see this. It is right in front of our eyes all the time.
Sunday, June 23
A stranger who became family
There comes a time when someone comes along and gives you a feeling that you have never felt before in someone who is not your family. I felt that - it is a blissful feeling.
There was this girl called Dhanya. Initially, I was reluctant to get to know her, as I was in a terrible state after my previous breakup. The last thing I need is someone having feelings towards me. But this girl was different. We agreed upon one thing - there would be nothing else but friendship between us. But I told myself one thing, if ever either one of us were to have feelings towards another, I would walk away from this beautiful relationship of ours. This is because, it would be stained.
I went to great lengths to help her simply because:
1. It was the right thing to do, according to my conscience
2. I was very comfortable with her and did not care about what others think (yes you guessed it - they were teasing us both as having something towards one another)
3. I wanted her to learn as much as she could so she can carry on my legacy of being a honest, genuinely kind, and genuinely loving doctor - just what the world needs.
And when people tease me with her, and ask me why we are not who they think we are, my answer is simple (simple, but a great deal of thought has gone into it):
1. She is not attractive (well, to me at least). There are loads of guys falling head over heels with her and I do not know the reason why! I even asked her about it, and she was not certain. To me she feels more like a guy - this is crazy but true!
2. She is not my type. Not at all. I do not know my exact type, but one thing is for sure - she is not my type.
3. She has a boyfriend. This answer is very debatable as they would end up saying "only boyfriend - not married yet"
Over time, I was very comfortable with Dhany and I wanted to become close and be someone meaningful to her. But something happened, I had a 'sisterly' feeling from her. To me it was something very new as I have never felt it towards someone who wasn't family. It caught me by surprise. But I chose to embrace it. I even told her about it. She said that she does not feel the same at the current moment, but will - eventually, but it will take time. I agreed.
As time went on, I tried to make her feel the same way too, as I was already feeling the same. I even treated her as my very own brother. But never did I know that she would soon come to despise me for being too caring towards her.
What I wanted from her was simple - to be someone significant whom she can always count on.
The question that I wanted to know was - who is Dhany? Why do I feel that she is my sister? I have asked time and time again but to no avail. During one of my meditations, I found the answer to my question. She is my sister whom I abandoned in another life due to my negligence. The answer was there. Next step, should I tell her about it? She would think of me as crazy. But since our relationship is based on truth, I decided to tell her.
Then came the darkest moments in my life. I have never felt a moment so dark. I was in a web, due to problems with family, but I chose not to tell her. I went to her place as I always would, and just pretended like everything was normal. She was having a bad day herself, how could put more burden over her? But I was not able to pretend for long. Everything was fine, until I asked her to feed me. I just wanted to feel that I belong somewhere. She refused. I was very hurt. To me, feeding someone symbolises closeness and my friends feed me from time to time. What can be so hard in doing that? But I went on to pester her (this time I knew she wasn't going to feed me, but I still pestered her). I badly wanted to know the reason why she would not do so. If only the reason given was because to it felt like I was trying to be a BF to her, I would have left her then and there.
But, I was slammed on the door and left hanging, without an answer. Without knowing whether this relationship of ours is still sacred or tainted by ugly thoughts.
Over the next few days I was depressed by that incident and also because of my own personal problems at home that was beyond my reach.
I could not keep whatever that has happened to myself. I asked several friends regarding this - and on whether I was wrong. Their answer was simply this - "no you have done nothing wrong, I do not see a wrong in someone feeding someone else, perhaps you were in the wrong place at the wrong time, she was stressed".
Then I felt as if Dhany was playing a game on me - like the prankster kind. My birthday was approaching and I thought she was planning this so she could surprise me for my birthday. But on my birthday I felt hurt that she just texted me, and had nothing for me.
I was feeling very down, I was not treated as a brother nor a close friend nor a friend.
I made up my mind to hate her so bad, and to just ignore her. But I couldn't. I couldn't get myself to do that - believe me I've tried. I went to a temple, my very own sacred place and placed my problems before God. Upon setting foot into that temple and sitting against a pillar, I experienced tremendous power and peace (but that is another story).
I meditated for a long time. I questioned Him why did He give me a sister and not make her feel the same. I waited for the answer and it never came. Then I chose to look into myself for the answer. I looked at Dhany's spot amongst my family. The answer was clear.
If after all these hurt, shame and tribulence - I can still look at her as my sister, then there is something to it.
It was then that I decided to forget all that has happened and go on with life. I decided to be a new man.
She will still be my sister no matter what happens, no matter who denies this, no matter what the circumstances are - and that is that.
A day after that, I waited for Dhany outside her place to give her a token of blessings from the temple. I also fed her my birthday cake from my cousins. The astonishing part, she fed me in return! I was surprised! Now, the answer is even more clear. She does not think of me as trying to be her BF. My sister is very unpredictable. Perhaps, she was just stressed that day when I went to see her. Simple as that. Now I do not need to keep away from her, I have no reason to!
Another problem arised soon after. I went to see her, and she hurt me once again saying that we should have nothing to do with one another! She said that she heard from someone that stories were going on that she 'ditched me'. Let me tell you one thing, no matter where you are, people are always bound to spread gossips, because they need some drama in their life. But this little sister of mine does not know so. Dropping my ego, I told her the truth about how we were some time back and how it would be a pity to let a beautiful friendship go just like that. I was tearing. I did not want her to leave me hanging there. Not when there is absolutely no reason to just drop her and walk away. 'Some people talking' is not a good reason. People do talk. But you should know better.
On another occasion after that, I clarified with her whatever that has happened. I told her that from now onwards, she would still be my sister and I would still be her closest guy friend, the difference is - our relationship will not have a name. She said that it would take time. Fine, she can take all the time she needs. If she fails to see me how it was intended to be, its her loss, its her karma.
But one thing is for sure, I will always be there for her no matter what, as a best friend, as a close friend, as a brother. I have promised to care for her, and I always will. I will always look out for her no matter what. No matter where she is, I will pray for her.
This is because she is God's gift to me, and the trials she put me through are merely tests to see how strong my soul is. If I did not mean anything to her, she would not have shown anger towards me.
As they say, you never turn your back on family - even when they do.
Anyway, here's a point for you to ponder upon...
But, I will still do that though. I am not the kind of person who runs away from conflict - I run into conflict, especially if that person means a lot to me. Have a great weekend people!
There was this girl called Dhanya. Initially, I was reluctant to get to know her, as I was in a terrible state after my previous breakup. The last thing I need is someone having feelings towards me. But this girl was different. We agreed upon one thing - there would be nothing else but friendship between us. But I told myself one thing, if ever either one of us were to have feelings towards another, I would walk away from this beautiful relationship of ours. This is because, it would be stained.
I went to great lengths to help her simply because:
1. It was the right thing to do, according to my conscience
2. I was very comfortable with her and did not care about what others think (yes you guessed it - they were teasing us both as having something towards one another)
3. I wanted her to learn as much as she could so she can carry on my legacy of being a honest, genuinely kind, and genuinely loving doctor - just what the world needs.
And when people tease me with her, and ask me why we are not who they think we are, my answer is simple (simple, but a great deal of thought has gone into it):
1. She is not attractive (well, to me at least). There are loads of guys falling head over heels with her and I do not know the reason why! I even asked her about it, and she was not certain. To me she feels more like a guy - this is crazy but true!
2. She is not my type. Not at all. I do not know my exact type, but one thing is for sure - she is not my type.
3. She has a boyfriend. This answer is very debatable as they would end up saying "only boyfriend - not married yet"
Over time, I was very comfortable with Dhany and I wanted to become close and be someone meaningful to her. But something happened, I had a 'sisterly' feeling from her. To me it was something very new as I have never felt it towards someone who wasn't family. It caught me by surprise. But I chose to embrace it. I even told her about it. She said that she does not feel the same at the current moment, but will - eventually, but it will take time. I agreed.
As time went on, I tried to make her feel the same way too, as I was already feeling the same. I even treated her as my very own brother. But never did I know that she would soon come to despise me for being too caring towards her.
What I wanted from her was simple - to be someone significant whom she can always count on.
The question that I wanted to know was - who is Dhany? Why do I feel that she is my sister? I have asked time and time again but to no avail. During one of my meditations, I found the answer to my question. She is my sister whom I abandoned in another life due to my negligence. The answer was there. Next step, should I tell her about it? She would think of me as crazy. But since our relationship is based on truth, I decided to tell her.
Then came the darkest moments in my life. I have never felt a moment so dark. I was in a web, due to problems with family, but I chose not to tell her. I went to her place as I always would, and just pretended like everything was normal. She was having a bad day herself, how could put more burden over her? But I was not able to pretend for long. Everything was fine, until I asked her to feed me. I just wanted to feel that I belong somewhere. She refused. I was very hurt. To me, feeding someone symbolises closeness and my friends feed me from time to time. What can be so hard in doing that? But I went on to pester her (this time I knew she wasn't going to feed me, but I still pestered her). I badly wanted to know the reason why she would not do so. If only the reason given was because to it felt like I was trying to be a BF to her, I would have left her then and there.
But, I was slammed on the door and left hanging, without an answer. Without knowing whether this relationship of ours is still sacred or tainted by ugly thoughts.
Over the next few days I was depressed by that incident and also because of my own personal problems at home that was beyond my reach.
I could not keep whatever that has happened to myself. I asked several friends regarding this - and on whether I was wrong. Their answer was simply this - "no you have done nothing wrong, I do not see a wrong in someone feeding someone else, perhaps you were in the wrong place at the wrong time, she was stressed".
Then I felt as if Dhany was playing a game on me - like the prankster kind. My birthday was approaching and I thought she was planning this so she could surprise me for my birthday. But on my birthday I felt hurt that she just texted me, and had nothing for me.
I was feeling very down, I was not treated as a brother nor a close friend nor a friend.
I made up my mind to hate her so bad, and to just ignore her. But I couldn't. I couldn't get myself to do that - believe me I've tried. I went to a temple, my very own sacred place and placed my problems before God. Upon setting foot into that temple and sitting against a pillar, I experienced tremendous power and peace (but that is another story).
I meditated for a long time. I questioned Him why did He give me a sister and not make her feel the same. I waited for the answer and it never came. Then I chose to look into myself for the answer. I looked at Dhany's spot amongst my family. The answer was clear.
If after all these hurt, shame and tribulence - I can still look at her as my sister, then there is something to it.
It was then that I decided to forget all that has happened and go on with life. I decided to be a new man.
She will still be my sister no matter what happens, no matter who denies this, no matter what the circumstances are - and that is that.
A day after that, I waited for Dhany outside her place to give her a token of blessings from the temple. I also fed her my birthday cake from my cousins. The astonishing part, she fed me in return! I was surprised! Now, the answer is even more clear. She does not think of me as trying to be her BF. My sister is very unpredictable. Perhaps, she was just stressed that day when I went to see her. Simple as that. Now I do not need to keep away from her, I have no reason to!
Another problem arised soon after. I went to see her, and she hurt me once again saying that we should have nothing to do with one another! She said that she heard from someone that stories were going on that she 'ditched me'. Let me tell you one thing, no matter where you are, people are always bound to spread gossips, because they need some drama in their life. But this little sister of mine does not know so. Dropping my ego, I told her the truth about how we were some time back and how it would be a pity to let a beautiful friendship go just like that. I was tearing. I did not want her to leave me hanging there. Not when there is absolutely no reason to just drop her and walk away. 'Some people talking' is not a good reason. People do talk. But you should know better.
On another occasion after that, I clarified with her whatever that has happened. I told her that from now onwards, she would still be my sister and I would still be her closest guy friend, the difference is - our relationship will not have a name. She said that it would take time. Fine, she can take all the time she needs. If she fails to see me how it was intended to be, its her loss, its her karma.
But one thing is for sure, I will always be there for her no matter what, as a best friend, as a close friend, as a brother. I have promised to care for her, and I always will. I will always look out for her no matter what. No matter where she is, I will pray for her.
This is because she is God's gift to me, and the trials she put me through are merely tests to see how strong my soul is. If I did not mean anything to her, she would not have shown anger towards me.
As they say, you never turn your back on family - even when they do.
Anyway, here's a point for you to ponder upon...
But, I will still do that though. I am not the kind of person who runs away from conflict - I run into conflict, especially if that person means a lot to me. Have a great weekend people!
An unusual day..
It started off as an ordinary day. The same faces at work and the same amount of things to do. It was as ordinary as it could be until I started reviewing my patients:
1. A patient admitted for brain concussion was lying down, feeling drowsy. His wife came up to me and said that she would like to discharge him as the treatment we are currently giving him wont work. She claimed that there was some element of 'voodoo' which was gaining possession of her husband. She then proceeded to sprinkle some water over his belly to prove her point. The result? - her husband's belly 'shined', which she then claimed was unusual to her. In my honest opinion, water sprinkled over anything reflects light and appears to shine! If it doesn't, then it is unusual - not the other way around!
2. A patient's family member in an affort to be friendly - claimed that I looked like a long lost relative, believed to be dead. She then proceeded to mention a name familiar to the long lost relative. I smiled, said "no, I do not know him", and hurriedly walked away.
3. A patient complained of abdominal pain. Upon viewing the X-ray, several items were seen - including a pebble, a lighter, and a screw! Need I say more - instant schizophrenia.
1. A patient admitted for brain concussion was lying down, feeling drowsy. His wife came up to me and said that she would like to discharge him as the treatment we are currently giving him wont work. She claimed that there was some element of 'voodoo' which was gaining possession of her husband. She then proceeded to sprinkle some water over his belly to prove her point. The result? - her husband's belly 'shined', which she then claimed was unusual to her. In my honest opinion, water sprinkled over anything reflects light and appears to shine! If it doesn't, then it is unusual - not the other way around!
2. A patient's family member in an affort to be friendly - claimed that I looked like a long lost relative, believed to be dead. She then proceeded to mention a name familiar to the long lost relative. I smiled, said "no, I do not know him", and hurriedly walked away.
3. A patient complained of abdominal pain. Upon viewing the X-ray, several items were seen - including a pebble, a lighter, and a screw! Need I say more - instant schizophrenia.
Life and death
As a doctor, I have seen more death than anyone from another profession. Many of my colleagues see death as a regular event - they say death 'just happens'.
When someone cries loudly over a dead loved one, their immediate response are words like "why is he/she crying like that?" and "can she just be a little bit more quiet? There are other people here trying to get a good rest."
Those who say that? Nurses, and some doctors as well. It gives me a feeling of disgust.
This is because we see these events happening to another person and think it can never happen to us.
What if you were in their shoes? What if the one whose life is hanging on the line is a relative? What if the one about to leave this world is someone who means a lot to us? Would it be any different? Yes it would!
Learn to put yourself in the other person's shoes. It you feel that it hurts you, it probably would have hurt them too.
When someone cries loudly over a dead loved one, their immediate response are words like "why is he/she crying like that?" and "can she just be a little bit more quiet? There are other people here trying to get a good rest."
Those who say that? Nurses, and some doctors as well. It gives me a feeling of disgust.
This is because we see these events happening to another person and think it can never happen to us.
What if you were in their shoes? What if the one whose life is hanging on the line is a relative? What if the one about to leave this world is someone who means a lot to us? Would it be any different? Yes it would!
Learn to put yourself in the other person's shoes. It you feel that it hurts you, it probably would have hurt them too.
The beginning
What is a blog? A blog is a personal diary. A daily pulpit. A collaborative space. A political soapbox. A breaking-news outlet. Your own private thoughts - and so much more. And here I am, writing my first post into my blog.
After a long time, I decided it was time to start. The reason? - I know not, but I feel it has something to do about my love for writing. I have read many books in my childhood and admired the way the writers get the message through. Just basic words can have a profound effect on the reader.
My way of writing, is writing the truth. Basically about everything that I see and experience in my daily life. Ready to have a glimpse of my world? Welcome in.
After a long time, I decided it was time to start. The reason? - I know not, but I feel it has something to do about my love for writing. I have read many books in my childhood and admired the way the writers get the message through. Just basic words can have a profound effect on the reader.
My way of writing, is writing the truth. Basically about everything that I see and experience in my daily life. Ready to have a glimpse of my world? Welcome in.
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