There was this girl called Dhanya. Initially, I was reluctant to get to know her, as I was in a terrible state after my previous breakup. The last thing I need is someone having feelings towards me. But this girl was different. We agreed upon one thing - there would be nothing else but friendship between us. But I told myself one thing, if ever either one of us were to have feelings towards another, I would walk away from this beautiful relationship of ours. This is because, it would be stained.
I went to great lengths to help her simply because:
1. It was the right thing to do, according to my conscience
2. I was very comfortable with her and did not care about what others think (yes you guessed it - they were teasing us both as having something towards one another)
3. I wanted her to learn as much as she could so she can carry on my legacy of being a honest, genuinely kind, and genuinely loving doctor - just what the world needs.
And when people tease me with her, and ask me why we are not who they think we are, my answer is simple (simple, but a great deal of thought has gone into it):
1. She is not attractive (well, to me at least). There are loads of guys falling head over heels with her and I do not know the reason why! I even asked her about it, and she was not certain. To me she feels more like a guy - this is crazy but true!
2. She is not my type. Not at all. I do not know my exact type, but one thing is for sure - she is not my type.
3. She has a boyfriend. This answer is very debatable as they would end up saying "only boyfriend - not married yet"
Over time, I was very comfortable with Dhany and I wanted to become close and be someone meaningful to her. But something happened, I had a 'sisterly' feeling from her. To me it was something very new as I have never felt it towards someone who wasn't family. It caught me by surprise. But I chose to embrace it. I even told her about it. She said that she does not feel the same at the current moment, but will - eventually, but it will take time. I agreed.
As time went on, I tried to make her feel the same way too, as I was already feeling the same. I even treated her as my very own brother. But never did I know that she would soon come to despise me for being too caring towards her.
What I wanted from her was simple - to be someone significant whom she can always count on.
The question that I wanted to know was - who is Dhany? Why do I feel that she is my sister? I have asked time and time again but to no avail. During one of my meditations, I found the answer to my question. She is my sister whom I abandoned in another life due to my negligence. The answer was there. Next step, should I tell her about it? She would think of me as crazy. But since our relationship is based on truth, I decided to tell her.
Then came the darkest moments in my life. I have never felt a moment so dark. I was in a web, due to problems with family, but I chose not to tell her. I went to her place as I always would, and just pretended like everything was normal. She was having a bad day herself, how could put more burden over her? But I was not able to pretend for long. Everything was fine, until I asked her to feed me. I just wanted to feel that I belong somewhere. She refused. I was very hurt. To me, feeding someone symbolises closeness and my friends feed me from time to time. What can be so hard in doing that? But I went on to pester her (this time I knew she wasn't going to feed me, but I still pestered her). I badly wanted to know the reason why she would not do so. If only the reason given was because to it felt like I was trying to be a BF to her, I would have left her then and there.
But, I was slammed on the door and left hanging, without an answer. Without knowing whether this relationship of ours is still sacred or tainted by ugly thoughts.
Over the next few days I was depressed by that incident and also because of my own personal problems at home that was beyond my reach.
I could not keep whatever that has happened to myself. I asked several friends regarding this - and on whether I was wrong. Their answer was simply this - "no you have done nothing wrong, I do not see a wrong in someone feeding someone else, perhaps you were in the wrong place at the wrong time, she was stressed".
Then I felt as if Dhany was playing a game on me - like the prankster kind. My birthday was approaching and I thought she was planning this so she could surprise me for my birthday. But on my birthday I felt hurt that she just texted me, and had nothing for me.
I was feeling very down, I was not treated as a brother nor a close friend nor a friend.
I made up my mind to hate her so bad, and to just ignore her. But I couldn't. I couldn't get myself to do that - believe me I've tried. I went to a temple, my very own sacred place and placed my problems before God. Upon setting foot into that temple and sitting against a pillar, I experienced tremendous power and peace (but that is another story).
I meditated for a long time. I questioned Him why did He give me a sister and not make her feel the same. I waited for the answer and it never came. Then I chose to look into myself for the answer. I looked at Dhany's spot amongst my family. The answer was clear.
If after all these hurt, shame and tribulence - I can still look at her as my sister, then there is something to it.
It was then that I decided to forget all that has happened and go on with life. I decided to be a new man.
She will still be my sister no matter what happens, no matter who denies this, no matter what the circumstances are - and that is that.
A day after that, I waited for Dhany outside her place to give her a token of blessings from the temple. I also fed her my birthday cake from my cousins. The astonishing part, she fed me in return! I was surprised! Now, the answer is even more clear. She does not think of me as trying to be her BF. My sister is very unpredictable. Perhaps, she was just stressed that day when I went to see her. Simple as that. Now I do not need to keep away from her, I have no reason to!
Another problem arised soon after. I went to see her, and she hurt me once again saying that we should have nothing to do with one another! She said that she heard from someone that stories were going on that she 'ditched me'. Let me tell you one thing, no matter where you are, people are always bound to spread gossips, because they need some drama in their life. But this little sister of mine does not know so. Dropping my ego, I told her the truth about how we were some time back and how it would be a pity to let a beautiful friendship go just like that. I was tearing. I did not want her to leave me hanging there. Not when there is absolutely no reason to just drop her and walk away. 'Some people talking' is not a good reason. People do talk. But you should know better.
On another occasion after that, I clarified with her whatever that has happened. I told her that from now onwards, she would still be my sister and I would still be her closest guy friend, the difference is - our relationship will not have a name. She said that it would take time. Fine, she can take all the time she needs. If she fails to see me how it was intended to be, its her loss, its her karma.
But one thing is for sure, I will always be there for her no matter what, as a best friend, as a close friend, as a brother. I have promised to care for her, and I always will. I will always look out for her no matter what. No matter where she is, I will pray for her.
This is because she is God's gift to me, and the trials she put me through are merely tests to see how strong my soul is. If I did not mean anything to her, she would not have shown anger towards me.
As they say, you never turn your back on family - even when they do.
Anyway, here's a point for you to ponder upon...
But, I will still do that though. I am not the kind of person who runs away from conflict - I run into conflict, especially if that person means a lot to me. Have a great weekend people!
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